


Just Cool.

by SHSLGuest



Category: BanG Dream! (Anime), BanG Dream! Girl's Band Party! (Video Game)
Genre: Ambiguous Feelings, Character Study, Crushes, F/F, Overthinking, can be taken as onesided or ambiguously mutual, self reflection, the rest of afterglow are briefly mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-28
Updated: 2020-08-28
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:34:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26165722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SHSLGuest/pseuds/SHSLGuest
Summary: "Hey Tomoe.""Yeah Himari?""How do you feel about me?" Himari expected a quick answer, but there was a bit of a pause. That's good, probably. It means Tomoe is thinking hard. Himari's heart pounds in anticipation._ _ _Himari thinks about how simple answers affect her.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 12





	Just Cool.

"Sometimes you can love people, and they can do things that rub you the wrong way. Little phrases, little actions. Little things. Yet, no matter how little they are, they still can leave you feeling different."

Himari Uehara was reading a romance manga, and it was getting her thinking.  
The protagonist was all alone in her school hallway, and she seemed to be reflecting. Himari loved these kinds of moments! They tugged at your heart which tugged at the napkin which then made you cry a whole awful lot. Though, she had to admit that happened to her pretty often. Himari usually inserts herself into what she reads, but the next few lines took her out of her immersion.  
The next scene showed two girls. One was one of the secondary characters, and the other was the protagonist. The other girl had announced to the main protagonist that they've moved on. They found another girl they liked, and that their feelings for Protag-chan are no longer as strong.

It's not a bad thing; that side character can do better. However, thinking about how the protagonist must feel when they didn't really get much of a choice yet...it made Himari feel weird. It was sad, but a strange sobering sadness Himari doesn't see in these stories often.

"When you're told an answer but its not what you expected, it can feel weird. It feels different. Not bad, not good. Just different," says Protag-chan in her head, continuing to star down the empty hallway, watching the one who loved her turn her back on her. 

Or perhaps Himari was projecting a little too much on the current book she was reading. 

Sighing, Himari lazily shut her newest book, leaning more forcefully against the red-harried drummer behind her. Sitting on the couch together, Himari and Tomoe were reading and simply enjoying each other's presence. Moca dragged off Tsugu and Ran for a "pan-tastic, tsugurific adventure" that probably involved buying buns or making bread or something that had to do with settling Moca's insatiable craving for carbs. Ako was staying with Rinko, occupying the gamer cafe with Roselia's infamous guitarist, so Himari and Tomoe had the whole house to themselves. 

The Udagawa Household was nothing less than comfy. Wide open windows to the side of the couch, warm cedar walls with a bit of contemporary flare. With the checkered tile off to the sides and ample lighting, it's totally the type of place the main character's love interest would be living in. Definitely the kind of house she wouldn't mind moving into. Nonetheless, she can have that specific fantasy later. Or now. Himari wasn't particularly picky on when to daydream and think about her great future romance.

With her back to Tomoe, she can't exactly see what's shes doing, but she knows Tomoe is also reading something with action or adventure. Maybe a little of both, even. Tomoe always loved those action-pack adventures where the heroes power of friendship never lets them down. Or the power of fist. The power of fist were definitely just as useful in Tomoe's eyes. Himari couldn't help but smile at how courageous Tomoe is and could be. She's absolutely like the perfect character to fall in love with in a romance story. 

While Himari was starting to fantasize, Tomoe shifted against her back in a yawn, not crushing Himari, but also adding just a light touch of pressure that made Himari feel safe and warm. As nice as it felt, Himari was slowly getting squished. She didn't mind being a pillow but... not like this. 

"Tomoeeee!"  
"Oh oops! Sorry about that Himari!" Tomoe turned to face her and gave one of her award winning, dazzling smiles.

There was nothing about Tomoe she disliked. Perhaps that was her rose tinted, heart shaped glasses, but truly Tomoe was one of a kind levels of kind. She was beyond thoughtful and she had huge muscles. All of those entirely related of course. Sometimes though, she really wondered what Tomoe thought of her. She knew Tomoe liked her as a friend but... did she like her more than that? Was it even possible?

Tomoe tended to treat everyone with the same protective kindness that Himari can't particularly say if she gets different treatment (not that she would mind that, mind you). Sometimes Himari imagines herself simply asking Tomoe, but she just recently got to the point where she maybe likes girls a little bit. Just a little, like the normal amount. The kiss girls amount. But still, the question has been pressing on her mind for quite a while. Tomoe is the type of girl who says what she means, right?

Maybe she should ask Tomoe herself?  
After musing a bit and watching the sunbeams warm her up through the window, she decided there was nothing really to lose from asking Tomoe her opinion. Besdies, Tomoe said Himari can ask her anything, and being upfront with your feelings is an important part of any relationship, may it be past, present or hopefully future.

"Hey Tomoe."  
"Yeah Himari?"  
"How do you feel about me?" Himari expected a quick answer, but there was a bit of a pause. That's good, probably. It means Tomoe is thinking hard. Himari's heart pounds in anticipation. 

"What do you mean?" Tomoe inquires, not really reading her manga, but also not directly facing Himari either.  
Himari wishes she could see her face to read her, but she has a small thought that Tomoe is turning from her on purpose. 

"I mean... what do you think of me?"  
"Oh. Uh I think you're cool."

Cool.  
Huh.  
Well. She got her answer, I guess? Feels... it feels different though.  
Should she ask Tomoe for clarification? The words were out her mouth before she even thought them.

"What do you mean by cool?"  
"Yanno? Just. Cool. You're cool Himari."

You know what felt cool? Those words. But not the good cool. The cold cool. Like distant.  
Far away.  
Himari wasn't sure what to do. Her answers are going in circles and she's not sure how to carry on.

"Alright, that's cool then. Thanks Tomoe!"  
"No problem, Himari." And the warmth was back. 

Himari continued to rest her back against Tomoe, the room quiet other than Tomoe's occasional page flipping.  
She couldn't help but think about what those words meant. Did Tomoe just mean them at face value? She must have, right?  
Tomoe just thinks she's cool! There's nothing wrong with that. Just cool. 

Maybe Himari should ask Tomoe later. She came to the conclusion that... she feels different about this response. It doesn't feel right. They've been together for years. Surely Tomoe has more to say than that? Or maybe there's a deeper meaning beneath the word. Maybe cool is what Tomoe would call all those years they've spent together? Maybe the word has a lot of meaning and Himari has just been giving it the typical definition, and not Tomoe's special definition. 

Or maybe. Himari is not satisfied with Tomoe's answer.  
Maybe Himari... just wishes Tomoe would have said more. 

"Can you say more?"  
Is what Himari would like to ask, but she cannot. She can't force Tomoe to say more words. That's just bending Tomoe's arm, because she knows in a heartbeat Tomoe would say more to help her feel better. But she didn't want to feel better. She wanted an honest Tomoe answer, and she got it. 

She didn't expect what she wanted to make her feel so... different. 

She went back into reading her book. She'll probably forget this. It wasn't really a big deal. She can always ask Tomoe about it later. Fortunately for Himari, the day went by and by afternoon they received a text from Ran, telling the group chat that Moca bought more bread then all three of them could carry and that they would need full Afterglow assistance.  
Himari carried on her day, and forgot the little dialogue she and Tomoe had.  
But her heart didn't. The sureness she had for Tomoe's feelings weren't solid anymore. They were different.

**Author's Note:**

> Wew, its been writer's block for two years. I'm going to try and push through, and continue writing again.  
> Been wanting to write a Himari focus piece for a while, so I decided to write up a quick on based on an idea I had today! Thank you so much for reading.


End file.
